Jeff masturbated with you for most of eighth grade and he’s got some insurance he’d like to sell you.
“Jeff, come on, I don’t need any insurance.
Jeff says that’s not how it works. Jeff says same-sex heterosexual sex exploration like that is a bond you take to the grave. You owe it to Jeff to at least buy a flood policy
“Look Jeff, I value what we had. You’re tainting it.”
Jeff says he understands but these years are tough.
“Come on, that one time I even rubbed you out.”
“No,” tell him. “I took care of you.”
Jeff will try to think back. Then he’ll remember.
“I begged you,” tell him. “You hit me afterwards.”
Jeff will remember. And he’ll stop trying to sell you his stupid flood insurance.
Happy Jeff Day!