December 2010
14 posts
Break Up With Your Reanimated Boyfriend Day!
You tried dating for a little while after your boyfriend died, but most of the guys you met were jerkoffs. So you spent a few weeks descending into the mad sciences of reanimation (you can take a course online) and you perfected the technology to bring your boyfriend back to life. Now that he’s back, you’re glad to not have to sleep alone anymore, but after a few nights you started...
Break Up With Your Reanimated Boyfriend Day!
You tried dating for a little while after your boyfriend died, but most of the guys you met were jerkoffs. So you spent a few weeks descending into the mad sciences of reanimation (you can take a course online) and you perfected the technology to bring your boyfriend back to life.
Now that he’s back, you’re glad to not have to sleep alone anymore, but after a few nights you started...
Corporate Dennis Day!
Everyone in town hates Corporate Dennis because the only thing Corporate Dennis cares about is the bottom line. As far as Corporate Dennis is concerned, things like the arts and charity and loving one another should be considered hobbies that you try and squeeze in on your free time if you have it. Corporate Dennis isn’t interested in anything that can’t be monetized, which is why you’re so...
Corporate Dennis Day!
Everyone in town hates Corporate Dennis because the only thing Corporate Dennis cares about is the bottom line. As far as Corporate Dennis is concerned, things like the arts and charity and loving one another should be considered hobbies that you try and squeeze in on your free time if you have it. Corporate Dennis isn’t interested in anything that can’t be monetized, which is why you’re so...
The Mission To Find Out What Happened Up There...
Your father was an astronaut, one of the ones who went up in a rocket but when he came back he was someone else. Same body, same face, different Daddy. You’re certain of it. “He was one of the best,” the head of NASA will say to you during your interview today. “Any child of your father will always have a home at NASA.” Tell the head of NASA that the reason...
The Mission To Find Out What Happened Up There...
Your father was an astronaut, one of the ones who went up in a rocket but when he came back he was someone else. Same body, same face, different Daddy. You’re certain of it.
“He was one of the best,” the head of NASA will say to you during your interview today. “Any child of your father will always have a home at NASA.”
Tell the head of NASA that the reason...
You Stink Of Tears Day!
Today your cubicle mate is going to lean in close to you and jokingly wave his hand in front of his nose. “Pew!” he’ll say. “Smells like tears over here.” “Sorry Larry,” you’ll say to him. You’ll start crying again. Larry will put his hand on your shoulder. Then your upper back. He’ll rub his palm on your upper back, like your mother used to. “Is it because you confessed your love to me on...
You Stink Of Tears Day!
Today your cubicle mate is going to lean in close to you and jokingly wave his hand in front of his nose.
“Pew!” he’ll say. “Smells like tears over here.”
“Sorry Larry,” you’ll say to him. You’ll start crying again.
Larry will put his hand on your shoulder. Then your upper back. He’ll rub his palm on your upper back, like your mother...
Meet Her By The Fandango Ticketing Machines Day!
She said she has a husband and a daughter and she can’t just give them up for some torrid affair with a man she met on the train. She said she has to get you out of her life, that she has to cut it off, once and for all, because you’re all she can think about and it’s time for her to think about her family again. She said it has to be goodbye, that she can’t go on with the lunchtime hotel rooms...
Meet Her By The Fandango Ticketing Machines Day!
She said she has a husband and a daughter and she can’t just give them up for some torrid affair with a man she met on the train. She said she has to get you out of her life, that she has to cut it off, once and for all, because you’re all she can think about and it’s time for her to think about her family again. She said it has to be goodbye, that she can’t go on with the...
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Find A Reason, Any Reason Day!
Maybe it’s because you got messed up when you were a kid after your adoptive mom met your biological dad and fell in love with him and then your adoptive dad hooked up with your biological mom but they realized it was just a vengeance boff so it didn’t work out. Or perhaps someone locked you in a locker for twelve minutes when you were in middle school. Whatever the reason is, you need...
Find A Reason, Any Reason Day!
Maybe it’s because you got messed up when you were a kid after your adoptive mom met your biological dad and fell in love with him and then your adoptive dad hooked up with your biological mom but they realized it was just a vengeance boff so it didn’t work out. Or perhaps someone locked you in a locker for twelve minutes when you were in middle school. Whatever the reason is, you...
Your Son Joined A Rock Band Day!
They’re in the driveway waiting to take him away to the life of rock n roll.
“Let me talk to them,” say.
Go outside and approach the coolest one in the band, the one with the longest feathers dangling from his ear ring.
“Do you all do drugs?” you’ll ask.
The rock band member will say yes.
“When you do drugs, will you keep an eye on my son to make sure...
Your Son Joined A Rock Band Day!
They’re in the driveway waiting to take him away to the life of rock n roll. “Let me talk to them,” say. Go outside and approach the coolest one in the band, the one with the longest feathers dangling from his ear ring. “Do you all do drugs?” you’ll ask. The rock band member will say yes. “When you do drugs, will you keep an eye on my son to make sure he...