Today you’re going to spot George Clooney on the street. In the middle of the street, to be exact. He’ll be standing in the middle of a very busy street, sobbing into this hands. Traffic on both ends will come to a halt. The drivers of the cars two and three lengths back will honk their horns incessantly, but the drivers of the cars at the front will keep their horns silent. They’ll be thinking, “Hey, look it’s George Clooney! Looks like he’s having a rough time. Wonder what happened.”
George Clooney will continue to cry alone in the middle of the street until Brad Pitt and Matt Damon happen to cross the street by chance. They’ll almost walk past him, but Matt Damon will tap Brad Pitt’s arm. Brad Pitt will say, “Quit tapping my arm you cunt.” Then they’ll both turn around and approach George Clooney hesitantly, not quite sure it’s their friend.
"Our friend George Clooney?" Brad Pitt and Matt Damon will ask in unison.
George Clooney will stop crying and look up at his friends. He’ll look to be explaining to them what happened.
"Quit being such a faggot," Brad Pitt will say to George Clooney. Then Matt Damon will offer George Clooney a sip of his two-liter bottle of Coke. George Clooney will take a sip, then all three of them will walk off together down the sidewalk, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon on either side of George Clooney, their arms around his shoulders while George Clooney continues to drink from the two-liter bottle of Coke.
Happy Gawker Stalker Day!